Momiji 2006-2023

I’m saddened to let you know that our beloved pup, Momiji, passed away on June 24, 2023. She was 16 and a half years old.

Thank you to everyone who adored Momiji (whether it was in-person or online), sent us kind messages, supported us while taking care of our senior pup. It means so much to us.

As some of you might already know, our Momiji needed some special care for the past 8 months or so. (For details, please refer to my other posts on Momiji, as well as my IG posts/stories.)

2007 July: Destroying the tissue (funny memory)

The medications gradually increased (we’ve also tried out a few different ones); by the end she was taking four different kinds of medications daily.

Since the end of April, her condition has become more unstable. If we were able to control one thing, there would be another health problem, it seemed.

Especially the last two weeks of her life, she had become quite weak, now that I think about it. At the time, we were focused on taking care of her and wishing that she’d get better, but the reality which we might not be able to see at that time, was that she was very fragile by then.

2007 August in Tokyo

Her first time at a beach

Thanks to all her meds though, I believe she wasn’t in pain that much, if at all, for the most part. For most days, she had a calm senior life.

But as she got weak, we were so afraid that one day she might fall and hurt herself badly, hence either one of us (husband or I) were always with her and watching her 24/7.

Momiji had canine cognitive dysfunction (CCD—kind of like a dog version of dementia), and because of that her perception and comprehension was vague. If she experienced sudden and severe pain like breaking bones because she fell or something, the panic attack would have been severe. We didn’t want something like that to happen to her, so we were always on guard. (On some days, she struggled to even stand still.)

2008 December: In 2008 Momiji and I moved to Canada

Right after she passed, I was of course devastated, but also felt relieved. A relief that she can no longer be hurt, or feel discomfort.

The sense of loss was still tremendous, however.

For the past 8 months, my life was all about taking care of her.

I’d work or do house chores while she was sleeping, or husband and I took turns to watch her while the other worked.

Every morning when I woke up, I’d check Momiji before I go wash up, brush my teeth, or eat breakfast. If she woke up earlier than usual, we’d get her morning routine done first.

To pop out into a different room than she’s in, or even going to the bathroom, we’d check her status first.

While she was able to nap during the day (even though her naps were becoming shorter and broken up), she struggled to fall asleep at night, probably due to dementia. If she was overtired, she’d struggle even more, so we followed her bed time schedule strictly and tried to soothe her until she fell asleep.

After 8 months of living life like that, I feel so lost that I can now do things whenever I want without checking on her.

For a while I couldn’t help checking her bed the first thing in the morning, I woke up to a slight noise during the night thinking it might be Momiji.

I didn’t really know what to do with myself when I didn’t have to do anything for her anymore.

2011 July: She loved running and walking

We were often tired, and not everything was easy, but I was truly happy everyday while taking care of her.

I thoroughly enjoyed our senior pup’s company.

(I’d like to note though, if you’re taking care of a senior dog and can’t feel the same way, please don’t be harsh on yourself. I was fortunate in many aspects to be able to feel that way. Each case, each experience, each dog is different. I hope you don’t forget to take care of yourself.)

2012 September: Trips with Momiji were the best

I work from home most of the time. My husband works from home for the most part, but goes to the office here and there along with occasional business trips.

Luckily, we were both there on the day Momiji left us, which I am grateful for.

It was a clear sunny day.

2013 February: She didn’t mind the cold or snow

I’m grateful that my husband loved and took care of her as much as I did, and that we’re in this grief together.

We’re able to talk about her everyday, remembering her, missing her and crying together, however, it turns out that I am not yet ready to talk about this to others.

I think I haven’t been able to fully digest all of my feelings yet, as this was my first time losing my own dog.

2013 October: I love the lighting in this photo

That being said, I was able to chat with my friends who have dogs/cats, or have lost them in the past. We shared our experiences and feelings which really helped me. (Thank you.)

I’m also thankful that my husband’s friends and colleagues have been so kind and caring.

16.5 years for dogs aren’t short by any means.

Though it was too short for me.

I keep wondering if she could have made it to something like 18, if I did things more right when she was young.

2014 October: The world is vast and yet she’s most interested in what I’m doing. I think this shot captured a glimpse of how great dogs are as our loving and devoted friends—and I love this photo for that

In the 16 years we spent together, each and every day I thought that she was “so cute”, “too cute”, “unbelievably cute!”

How lucky am I to be able to feel so much happiness and love everyday? That must have done some good to my mental health.

I’ve been watching her videos and photos everyday since her passing, but nothing comes close to the real her.

2015 October: There’s something special about autumn colours—perhaps because her name is Momiji (means maple in Japanese)

Her soft hair, her warmth and heart beat.

Her eyes with so much trust.

Everything that made her her, I miss them deeply.

2015 November: Our Christmas tradition, taking photos with a tree

Grief really is the price we pay for love, isn’t it?

Dogs give us so much love and joy that we can’t even repay them. For receiving such love for 16 years, I suppose the price has to be high.

2016 March: She loved cuddling with my husband

And that’s also a part of dog guardians’ responsibilities, I think.

I always wanted to live longer than her, so that I can take care of her until her last, not the other way around.

If grief is part of the deal, then I want to feel everything there is to feel, as a proud, responsible dog guardian.

2017 May: This shot shows how much fun we used to have on our walks

I’ve always loved dogs as long as I can remember. My childhood’s first and foremost important dream was to live with a dog.

Because of our family living (house) situation, I wasn’t able to have a dog growing up. So when I started living on my own (I was still living in Japan then), I was so so excited that I was finally in a place that I could get a dog.

Momiji was really my childhood dream come true.

I still remember the time when I first met her and when she first came to my house.

I learned from a book that on the first day, we are supposed to give the dog some space and wait for them to approach us. I was trying hard to follow that rule and sat quietly somewhat away from her. But Momiji climbed up on my knees and fell asleep on day one, without hesitation.

I will never forget that feeling.

2018 October: May all the doggie dreams be happy

She never doubted humans, never showed anger towards anyone, as if she forgot to equip those feelings at birth. She loved every human being, she was so pure and innocent.

So I made a promise.

A promise that I’d always keep her safe so that she would never have to learn how horrible and cruel some humans could be. So that she could keep on believing without a doubt that human hands are for cuddling and petting dogs gently with love.

2018 December: The snow makes it extra cute

I think I was able to fulfill that promise and the duty as a dog guardian to take care of her till the end.

Even in sorrow, that thought is comforting me.

2019 May: With friends' dogs (we dog sat each others pups)

Momiji was my first dog to have, at my own responsibility.

How precious it is when a dog completely trusts me with an open heart,

The innocent eyes that look at my soul and not my face features,

The funny stories like how I woke up in the early morning not being able to breathe because she slept on my neck,

The excitement in her bouncy little butt when I took her for walks,

The way she used to sneak up on a bed and breathe on me until I woke up,

The joy of sharing her favourite fruits,

The importance of living in the moment and not to be trapped in the past or future,

The affection she showed at a door every time when we came home,

The way she’d lean her body against us with full trust,

How adorable it was for her to follow us around in the house,

How she’d always have her nose on the ground sniffing, no matter how grand or beautiful the scenery was,

How energetic and full of life she was as a puppy,

How cute an old and slow senior dog can be,

Momiji has taught me so many things.

2020 May: Testing photo equipments for work, our test model was always Momiji of course

She was everything I dreamed of and much much more.

The 16 years with her was the bestest of the best.

In the past 8 months (when she needed almost 24/7 care), I only went out like 8-9 times other than our short walks together. (My husband volunteered to do the grocery shoppings.)

After her passing, I’ve been trying to get out whenever I have the opportunity.

With the COVID pandemic and the senior dog care period, I haven’t really been out much for years, so I thought I’d reintroduce myself to the outside world (I attend online meetings as well as email/chat communications at work/volunteer, so I have some social interactions with others, but not so much in-person.)

2020 December: She was still able to jump up to the couch then

Tears definitely haven’t dried up (not even close), and sometimes I catch myself staring into space thinking about Momiji—but I’ve been able to do everyday tasks. I’ve been working, volunteering, cooking, cleaning…

Around the time Momiji left us, I had some physical stress symptoms but after a month, I think that’s going away. I think I’m okay.

Now I patiently wait for the time to heal me.

2021 October: Fall is my favourite season for portrait shooting

One thing I keep thinking is that I’d like to dedicate my time and effort towards dogs in the future again.

I’m not sure whether that’s getting another dog in the future, or maybe through a dog related volunteer work, I have no idea how and what at the moment.

But to me, a life without dogs feels so empty.

2022 September: She had slowed down but still enjoyed lots of walks last fall

I’m an anxious person and not really a positive person either. I often feel that this world is too harsh to live in and get scared of many things.

In such a world, I could always count on dogs to be dogs—adorable, innocent, loyal, precious, and fun—they’re the light in my life. I believe that dogs are the best gift and friend humans can ask for. (I know I may sound like a crazy dog person but I just love dogs.)

Life is too long to live without dogs, you know?

I’ll take my time to properly process my grief and sorrow for now (in a healthy way, if you know what I mean), but when the time is right, I really do want to live with a dog again.

2023 March: She was doing pretty well in March. She looked so perky

One more silly thought I have is…

Momiji never went anywhere alone before. I’m concerned if she would be able to cross the rainbow bridge all on her own. She loved people but was shy towards other dogs. Would she be able to make doggie friends in dog heaven?

If you have furry friends who have already crossed the rainbow bridge, I hope they’ll take Momiji in!

Wherever dogs and cats (and other animals) go, maybe they have the most gentle animal loving people to take care of them. I hope so (because that’s where I want to end up, which is why I need to be kind like dogs.)

2023 May: Going for walks (even short ones) were hard by then, but we still got some outdoor time whenever we could

Thank you again, to everyone who loved and still loves Momiji.

I hope her memory will stay in your heart for a long time.

Left: 2007, Right: 2023. We didn’t intend it, but are happy to have a “then and now” family photo!

Looking back our photos, I couldn’t help but thinking how young all of us were, 16 years ago.

We want to make a photo album with Momiji’s pictures but since we have thousands of photos of her (possibly more)…It’ll take a while to just choose the photos.

Our goal is to finish it within this year!

As I look through her photos, they bring me smile, some brings me tears, some made me gasp at how cute she was.

I’m really grateful for the 16 years of memories.

Momiji, thank you so much for being our pup.

I wish I could hold you and tell you one more time how much we love you and that you’re our good girl.

Momiji: December 30, 2006 – June 24, 2023

Our sweet, sweet pup.

Jul 30, 2023

Sweet Tannenbaum Socks

Denim Pinafore and Big Collar Top